Hospital Impressions...

This past week was one that proved difficult for me. At a doctors appointment on 2/25/10 I was identified as having high blood pressure and was sent over to labor and delivery at the hospital that we will be having our baby at. I was hooked up to monitors that closely look at the baby's activity and heart rate as well as my own heart rate. Additionally I had blood drawn and had to do a 24 hour urine sampling to check for protein in my blood or urine. The doctor told Ryan and I that if the tests came back with higher levels, that we would be induced as soon as possible. The emotions I felt went from worry to excitement at the thought of the baby being here soon. Tests came back negative and I was crushed for some reason. It was odd because here was this big emergency thing where they wanted to have us monitored carefully... then everything was just dropped and it was "see you for your next week's appointment"

At any rate, I thought about this hospital experience and about the book I finally got in the mail called "Birthing From Within" In it they talk about women's experience of the hospital and what impressions people get from the way that women are presented (i.e. in an open backed hospital gown). The book asks women to think about what the experience means to them and what assumptions come immediately. I have had that in the back of my head, but furthermore, I wanted to reflect on my most recent experience of the hospital.

I felt restricted by the monitors and found them to be painful. Every time the baby would move and put pressure on them it really hurt. When they were taken off I had marks on my belly showing their exact shape and placement. It felt bruised. I had cords from these things that wrapped around me and that I had to call for help just to use the bathroom. I was grateful for the care, but largely put off and am now nervous about what my experience at the time of delivery will be like.

I made a book and using pencil, created a reflection of my experience. I chuckle at my choice of materials because pencil and eraser are the ones that we identify in art therapy as highly controlled. And yes, I do have a desire to be more in control and less at the mercy of random circumstance.
Don't know why this imported with the orientation all messed up... you'll just have to tilt your head I guess.