Labor Image number 2

Today I worked to complete the labor image. I spent the majority of my time drawing figures and trying to get proportions right. once again I used crayons and cut the drawn figures out and glued them onto the piece from the previous class. I was surprised at how long it took me to do this I work soooooo slow sometimes.

Labor Image

During today's class I worked on creating the image I had during the last part of labor. After receiving the epidural I felt tremendous pressure from the baby during each contraction. I was very drowsy and in and out of shallow sleep. Each time I had a contraction I saw myself in a corridor that looked like rib bones made up the walls and floor. I was walking towards the opening of the long narrow space and looking back with my hand reaching out for the baby's. I imagined that I was encouraging and gently leading him out. this image was comforting and seemed to further the bond between me and him as we got closer and closer to him being there. Over the course of numerous contractions, the image changed to involve my husband as well. The three of us were there with Ryan holding onto the baby as we walked out.

The image I completed today was only of the corridor. I used crayons because I realized I had to be able to care for Uriah at any moment without risking something being toxic or dangerous to his still new but frail immune system. I also didn't want to get him dirty as he is able to to that on his own now pretty easily:) I will finish the piece next class.

Birth Story...

Today was my first day back at class. During the time we (me and Uriah) were there, I tried to write the birth story, but found that it was way too long to put up on here. So... here's the shortened version.

I went into labor on 3/6/10 at about 5:30 am. I woke Ryan up around 7:30 am because I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with each contraction. He ran around doing last minute cleaning and was with me each time a contraction came on helping to make me comfortable and keep track of the time in between them etc. We went to the hospital around 12:00 pm and stayed for awhile. We were given the option to be admitted or go home for awhile. I chose to go home because of complete discomfort in the hospital room and, once again, with the monitors. I felt very confined and did not want to stay. We ended up back at the hospital around 7:30 pm and this time we were admitted. I was given pitocin to speed up the birthing process. We had an amazing doula there who helped me be more comfortable through the back labor, and she commented that Ryan was the most supportive and involved husband that she had seen in her three years working as a doula!

I was very uncomfortable with being checked for dilation as it was painful and all the staff were not always considerate of when they were doing this. A couple of times I had to ask nurses to wait until a contraction was over before trying. This was the WORST part of the experience.

I made it to 5 cm dilation after about 20 hours worth of labor. I had wanted to have a fully natural birth, but came to the realization that if I was only 1/2 way there after this long that I wouldn't have the energy to push the baby out without some sort of pain medication. I actually panicked and lost all concentration until the pain meds were administered. Then I had a kink in my catheder for the epidural and only got some of the effects of it. This worked out to my advantage though and I was easily able to feel where I needed to push when the time came.

Long story even shorter... Uriah was born at 8:54 am. I had one image in particular that went through my mind with each contraction towards the end of labor that I will try to recreate later.

New Arrival!!!!

Today we welcomed Uriah Edward Brockner 6 lbs 3 oz, 19 in! In a word AMAZING :)

Frustration...

Today was a frustrating day in the studio and in general. I had a doctor's appointment and found out that I am no further dilated or effaced than I was before. This feels like things are dragging, and I am worried that I won't be able to take advantage of next week being spring break. What I mean by that is I was genuinely hoping for the baby to get here before Spring break so that I could have extra time with the baby before having to return to class.

This was reflected in my studio work in that I couldn't get motivated and I didn't like anything that I was doing. I tried going back and working with a piece I started (the cardboard) and could not get into it. UGH....

Hospital Impressions...

This past week was one that proved difficult for me. At a doctors appointment on 2/25/10 I was identified as having high blood pressure and was sent over to labor and delivery at the hospital that we will be having our baby at. I was hooked up to monitors that closely look at the baby's activity and heart rate as well as my own heart rate. Additionally I had blood drawn and had to do a 24 hour urine sampling to check for protein in my blood or urine. The doctor told Ryan and I that if the tests came back with higher levels, that we would be induced as soon as possible. The emotions I felt went from worry to excitement at the thought of the baby being here soon. Tests came back negative and I was crushed for some reason. It was odd because here was this big emergency thing where they wanted to have us monitored carefully... then everything was just dropped and it was "see you for your next week's appointment"

At any rate, I thought about this hospital experience and about the book I finally got in the mail called "Birthing From Within" In it they talk about women's experience of the hospital and what impressions people get from the way that women are presented (i.e. in an open backed hospital gown). The book asks women to think about what the experience means to them and what assumptions come immediately. I have had that in the back of my head, but furthermore, I wanted to reflect on my most recent experience of the hospital.

I felt restricted by the monitors and found them to be painful. Every time the baby would move and put pressure on them it really hurt. When they were taken off I had marks on my belly showing their exact shape and placement. It felt bruised. I had cords from these things that wrapped around me and that I had to call for help just to use the bathroom. I was grateful for the care, but largely put off and am now nervous about what my experience at the time of delivery will be like.

I made a book and using pencil, created a reflection of my experience. I chuckle at my choice of materials because pencil and eraser are the ones that we identify in art therapy as highly controlled. And yes, I do have a desire to be more in control and less at the mercy of random circumstance.
Don't know why this imported with the orientation all messed up... you'll just have to tilt your head I guess.